Where did it all of it go?

Eyes closed, I take a deep breath. “It stinks of nothing” I think to myself. My eye lids reluctantly open, allowing in all too much light at once. A shrill runs through my body and my retina begin to burn making my eyes leak. I give them time to adapt. I wipe my tears away with my bare arm but am not able to stop the shaking for what I behold inspires no cheer.

“This can’t be it, can it? It doesn’t feel right, something is missing”. I take another long deep breath. I feel no breeze but I know there is one blowing, there always was. I feel lost in this place, but I know exactly where I am.

I gaze into the distance for what seems an eternity. The landscape is monotone, a walnut brown colour, and infinitely continuous. There are only remnants of life as far as the eyes can see. I am standing in what used to be a forest. Tree trunks tower above me and cover the ground all around. I feel a rain droplet fall on my cheek. It chooses an all too familiar path, running down to the corner of my mouth. I raise my gaze to the sky. I have the impression of looking at perfection. Never in all of my life have I seen such a complete pallet of grey.

“I’ve been here the whole time, how could it slip away?” I look at my hands only to realize I no longer sense my surroundings. My hands were always such an important way for me to bridge my passion to the world. But that’s in the past. I could rid myself of them now.

I feel as though I have taken a step back to look at this austere world through an impassive window.

I convince my legs to carry me forward. As I walk towards a nearby tree, the sound of leaves brushing against my bare feet stimulates no emotion. But I remember loving it, at times I would even go out of my way to orchestrate such a rhythmical whisking. I walk right up to a tree. I observe its epidermis, it looks dry and severe. Under the slight pressure of my palm the bark gives, crumbling to the ground. I feel nothing.

I turn my back to it and slowly crouch down until I’m sitting alone with my arms crossed over my knees. I bow down my head, hiding this desolate landscape from my sight. I hear drums in the distance. “Just wake up” I whisper to myself “Please just wake up”.