Where did it all of it go?

Eyes closed, I take a deep breath. “It stinks of nothing” I think to myself. My eye lids reluctantly open, allowing in all too much light at once. A shrill runs through my body and my retina begin to burn making my eyes leak. I give them time to adapt. I wipe my tears away with my bare arm but am not able to stop the shaking for what I behold inspires no cheer.

“This can’t be it, can it? It doesn’t feel right, something is missing”. I take another long deep breath. I feel no breeze but I know there is one blowing, there always was. I feel lost in this place, but I know exactly where I am.

I gaze into the distance for what seems an eternity. The landscape is monotone, a walnut brown colour, and infinitely continuous. There are only remnants of life as far as the eyes can see. I am standing in what used to be a forest. Tree trunks tower above me and cover the ground all around. I feel a rain droplet fall on my cheek. It chooses an all too familiar path, running down to the corner of my mouth. I raise my gaze to the sky. I have the impression of looking at perfection. Never in all of my life have I seen such a complete pallet of grey.

“I’ve been here the whole time, how could it slip away?” I look at my hands only to realize I no longer sense my surroundings. My hands were always such an important way for me to bridge my passion to the world. But that’s in the past. I could rid myself of them now.

I feel as though I have taken a step back to look at this austere world through an impassive window.

I convince my legs to carry me forward. As I walk towards a nearby tree, the sound of leaves brushing against my bare feet stimulates no emotion. But I remember loving it, at times I would even go out of my way to orchestrate such a rhythmical whisking. I walk right up to a tree. I observe its epidermis, it looks dry and severe. Under the slight pressure of my palm the bark gives, crumbling to the ground. I feel nothing.

I turn my back to it and slowly crouch down until I’m sitting alone with my arms crossed over my knees. I bow down my head, hiding this desolate landscape from my sight. I hear drums in the distance. “Just wake up” I whisper to myself “Please just wake up”.

Its actually Very pleasent to look at, the sky that is.

The reason I am...

Happy:

Life is so fucking generous with me.

Disappointed:

I am under the impression no one reads my blog. No one ever comments anyway. Please try to comment, I really want to know what you think.

Satisfied:

I feel like I got a lot done this weekend. I also made sense of a few things that were troubling me.

Stressed:

Although I have a better understand of what was making me unhappy, it is not something I can easily change.

Excited:

I have an amazing summer awaiting me. I will be going to Mallorca for enough time to party my ass off. I have a ticket to one of the dopest festivals on this side of the planet, Dour. I'll be visiting Holland with my dear Berdie. I'm going to finally get to visit Berlin. There are also strong chances that I will be going camping once I'm back in Canada. But not any kind of camping, I'll be camping with my best friend.

Very sad:

My body has been hurting me, in many place. I can't lift weights anymore, I have tendonitis in both elbows and at least one wrist. My knee is still injured from snowboarding and now I'm starting to doubt whether I can continue swimming because of a stupid pain I'm getting in my shoulder(s?).

So pleased:

I have learned a lot about who I really am and what makes me happy. I'm also very proud in many regards. This is what keeps me going to tell you the truth.

Before turning black, it was once again made up of a vivid mix of dark teal , rich orange and mellow pink.

Quite lonely:

I really want to care for someone. Why don't you exist yet?

Everything Moya - Including GY!BE

In case you don't know Godspeed You! Black Emperor they are a post-rock group very similar to Mogwai, and just as amazing.

As I stare into space with their music filling the room I have the impression of dreaming eyes wide open. There is only one type of music more powerful then music that carries you to a beautiful place, and that's the kind that can just as easily drag you around the darkest and most frightening corner of your imagination.

FYI : "Mike Moya is a Canadian rock musician. He is a former member and co-founder of theMontreal-based instrumental rock ensemble Godspeed You! Black Emperor."

Le Destin de la Reine Fourmis

S'il le fallait, quelque part dans les profondeurs de la verdure Amazonienne, une fourmilière ne cessait son animation avec le coucher du soleil. Dans la même pénombre, une odeur quasiment indiscernable qui émanait dun jeune orang-outan attira un Jaguar qui se trouvait à de longue distance. La dense végétation effleurant le jaguar fut l'unique indice de son mouvement. Son regard capté par sa jeune proie de teint orange vif, le jaguar se rapprocha prudemment jusqu'à ce qu'ils soient séparés de peu. Pour son audience perchée bien au dessus du tableau, le prédateur ne ressemblait qu'à une masse floue nageant délicatement parmi la nappe de fougères qui recouvrait le sol. Ignorant la présence de son audience malveillante, le jaguar se figea d'un coup comme pour demander pardon pour ce qu'il était sur le point de faire. Il fallut qu'avec son dernier pas, le jaguar écrabouillât la reine fourmi et détruisît sa colonie. Immobile, son pelage noir étincelait sous les cataractes de lumières pénétrant à travers la canopée. Pendant un moment, le seul bruit qui se propageait provenait de la persévérance du jeune orang-outan de fracasser son fruit turquoise qu'à l’instant précédent il palpait avec affection. Par la suite, une branche dut tomber au mauvais endroit pour effrayer le petit qui se lança dans un arbre et se faufila entre les branches de celui-ci pour se retrouver ardûment caché. Le jaguar, aterré par son malheur, abandonna sa chasse laissant derrière lui la colonie de fourmis en anarchie.

The Sky was Pink

If only I had a special ...

:your remark:

Yea but it was So Beautiful, I really wanted to share that moment.

:your remark:

I know, I know, you're right... but it was Orange too you know ?