Are you as confused as I am?
I know it’s not the end of the month and I’m technically getting ahead of myself here, but I had a thought cross my mind which I wanted to share with you. Actually, this thought has more then simply crossed my mind. It’s more like one of those unanswered thoughts that’s sits at the back of your brain and pokes you every once in a while.
A brilliant friend of mine recently explored the idea of living our lives in teams. In my mind all it is, is a tie you have with someone or a group of someones. It might exist because of a set of commonly shared beliefs, ambitions, responsibilities etc. It can be a relationship or just an association; it doesn’t need to be intimate nor special. Its purpose should be clear, it allows you to have people to fall back on and to reassure you in case you trip over life.
That’s just how I see it. I was actually intending on concentrating on those teams that are dear to us and that we cherish with our hearts rather then those that we join out of inevitability and/or to make our life easier. You could say it’s even something many people might share together. For example my bromies and I are a team, chilling out and partying just isn’t the same with out them you know? It’s actually an amazing aspect of life if you think about, being able to a hold a collective relationship with a select group of people. That’s how I look at my relationship with these guys; of course that’s not the whole story. That’s not to say that I don’t have a relationship with each of them individually, because I do. What I’m saying is our collective relationship brings us more then the sum of our individual relations. We take pleasure in being together as a whole, and when someone is missing well, it’s as though a piece of the puzzle has been misplace (on another continent). This is where life becomes a big jerk, because you can’t expect people to live a communal life. That’s reality, people come and people go. Yet somehow, I have this feeling that no matter what happens, I know there are teams that I’ll always be part of, and to be frank it helps me wipe the tears off of my cheeks when they manage to escape from their ducts. If you’re reading this, my twin homies, you guys have known me for as long as I can remember, were we not still attached to our mothers when we first met? I now consider us attached, just *shudders* … not by an umbilical cord. As for el Gitano and le Sarazin, you guys have become as true to me as I have become to myself. You have both touched me as deeply as I am aware is possible, you have proved to me in your own way that this questionable world we live in still has love to offer.
Okay, enough tangent-ing, I could go on for hours talking about all my lovely teams. What’s been troubling me is how to use these teams in a positive reinforcing way without becoming addicted to them. It makes sense to me that we initially shelter ourselves under this protective blanket to give ourselves the chance of discovering who we are and what makes us happy. Its purpose, however, is actually more complicated because we inevitably end up inspiring ourselves from our companions. To take an overly simplified example, I listen to a lot of the same music as most as my friends. I guess what comes next depends on the person … Maybe living your life under this umbrella is the right way for some people but for me, I feel like it would be more blindfolding then comforting. Ever since I got caught up in a certain “chilling-pattern” back home I couldn’t help but feel restricted, I wasn’t doing or learning what (I thought) I wanted. Doesn’t it make sense that if you live your whole life this way you prevent yourself from experiencing what else life has to offer? It seems like a risk, becoming glued to comfort.
When it comes down to it, life is perpetually preparing you for something. So doesn’t complete independence make the most sense? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate way of preparing yourself for what ever might happen? That thought seems too ideological though, don’t you agree?
I guess I just have difficulties deciding when I should be independent and when I should be dependent in terms of my interpersonal affairs. When it comes to academics and the professional world it’s pretty clear, you should always be independent unless working in a team. It’s a little hazier when I consider my social life, because I’m always on some kind of team. When should challenges be taken on alone and when should you give in to comfort? This must be an impossible question to answer if there ever was one. You’re just going to tell me “It depends on the situation” and you’re right. Maybe you can help me with this one instead, would I be wrong in intentionally throwing myself into new and unpredictable situations to explore? Or maybe I should satisfy myself with what life throws at me…
The reason I posted this thought was to know how YOU felt about this. I would be very happy to know what you have to say, some of those questions weren’t meant to be rhetorical, I really am confused but aren’t we all (Say yes :)
Yours truly,
Jean-Philippe Moya
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2 comments:
It is one thing to have people to rely on and to sway with. People that you know are stable enough to keep you stable. That is without a doubt, one of the most important parts of life. However, becoming so involved that you forget who you are as a person or getting so involved that you end up running in a circle is not what it should be about. It goes the same way for relationships, (as you and I have had this chat before) You form a team but the tricky part is to be a functioning member and not just another piece to a puzzle. I think that in order to appreciate and understand how groups as such work one must break away and be on their own so that they themselves understand exactly what it is that they have to offer.
I don't want to refer to my friends as teammates. In my view, friends don't choose to be friends, it's a process that happens over time, and you do make a subconscious choice about it. Where as choosing a job 'team' or sports team, you make a conscious choice, and it is not inevitable in the sense that it would happen eventually anyways. I think that friendships, which I don't want to call teams, are much more inevitable than other types of teams precisely because you don't have much of a say over your emotions.
It is very important to be able to be on your own and expand your horizons and make new connections while maintaining your old ones. I think that this is the key to growing as a person: being able to learn new things, meet new people, discover new points of view, without sacrificing your integrity. Once you start doing that you'll just end up bouncing from 'team' to 'team'.
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